Work Emails, Vol. 1

Do you ever get emails at work that are so ignorant that you want to reply back a message dripping with sarcasm?  A response so condescending that person wants to crawl in a hole or cry their self to sleep?!  Well, I do!  And I'm going to share those with you, as well as the responses I'd love to send back!!

Take HH.  At work, I am the owner of our employee suggestion program.  This is different from the suggestion box, this is the cost-saving ideas program.  HH turns in ideas on a rough monthly basis.  95% of the time she will send me an email if she doesn't hear back immediately.  This pisses me off and I've asked her to stop.  Also, people more important than me have instructed her to stop.  She works night shift, so it's always the first thing I see in the morning which makes my day insta-shit.  I spend the rest of the day walking around killing people with my death glances, and making it quite clear that they shouldn't speak to me.

This morning, I get to work at 6:40.  I hate all times before 8, and it's almost time for my Monthly Gift, so I'm already more-or-less full of hatred toward the world.  Firing up Outlook, here is the first thing I see:

Hi there,

Is there a way when someone submits an idea (tune it up or just a suggestion) they can see the status like if it was rcvd or accepted or what have you.

I submitted a tune it up, and really didn’t want to bother you to ask if you ever got it.

In reality, I will just ignore this e-mail and not respond at all, however here is what I'd love to say:

Hello,

I actually believe that bothering me is exactly what you wanted to do, otherwise you wouldn't have sent me this fucking e-mail after I and several others have asked you to stop.

Believe it or not, there is more to my job than this program, and as I have explained to you NUMEROUS times, you will receive a letter informing you of our decision regarding your idea once we've reviewed it.  One would think that after submitting an idea every month for nearly a year you would understand how this works, but I see this is still not the case.  It's ironic, isn't it, that someone with so many ideas on how to save the company money is a complete and total idiot.

Next time you send me an e-mail regarding one of your submissions, I am going to shred the suggestion immediately and ensure that you are never recognized for it.

Thanks,

Angie

P.S.  I feel sorry for whoever knocked you up.

...Perhaps the P.S. is too much?