That said, there are still TONS of things that piss me off on Facebook, and I am going to take this time to tell you about it. Here are my guidelines to remaining my Facebook friend. Unfortunately, if you are family, you are exempt from these and I'm forced to accept your request by default...but that doesn't mean I won't put you on limited profile, beyotch!
Apps
- If I don't already have your app, don't send me any notifications. I don't want a fucking bale of hay - I don't have a farm! If it's a game I have, fine. I always need parts for my lightning stove.
- Don't send me any invites. If there is an app I decide I want, I will get it myself, thank you.
Photos
- Don't take pictures of yourself on your cell phone everyday. There are a multitude of reasons for this one. For starters, I'm tired of looking at your shower curtain in the background. Also, you look the same as you did yesterday. If you get a new haircut, piercing, etc. the occasional one of these is acceptable. After that, get over your damn self.
- When you DO take pictures of yourself, smile! Being completely straight-faced is NOT sexy, despite what you may believe. The token self-portrait pouty/fishlips face is just obnoxious. Say "cheese" if you have to. It's a tried-and-true method for eliciting picture smiles.
- If you have a baby, post pictures of it for the world to see. Absolutely! Just not 200 pictures that were all taken within 15 minutes of each other.
My attempt at "That Girl" - I'm pleased to say I can't do ducklips.
Status Updates
- Do not, under any circumstance, update your status to reflect any mundane daily activity. "So-and-so just put the kids down for a nap and is starting on the laundry now" is not an acceptable status. Nobody gives a fuck. Especially not enough to know on an hourly basis. "Just finished folding the clothes, guess it's time to start dinner." It's amazing you're getting anything done in between this play-by-play!
- When posting song lyrics as your status, please subscribe to a 12-word limit.
Pages & Groups
- When you receive an update from a page you've liked, do not... I repeat DO NOT comment 'First!' or anything of the sort. What the fuck is that about anyway?! You may as well say 'I have absolutely no life!'...it conveys the same message to me.
- If you like a page or join a group, only suggest it to me if it's something I like. For instance if you join 'If 1,000,000 people join this group my soccer coach will shave his head', do not invite me. A) It's complete bullshit, and B) Why do I care if some Canadian high school soccer coach shaves his head? I don't. If you join 'If 1,000,000 join this group American conservatives will start researching their facts', I'm in.
General
- If someone posts to your wall ' OMG is this you http://bit.ly/aodijacoaisjd' don't click the link! Fucking retard, you will get a virus and spam all of your friends.
- There is no reason to add extra l's or y's to words. It simply makes no sense.
- Adding extra words to your name makes you look like a dumbass. Examples of this would be: Angie SmellsSoSweet Lovins, Princezz Angie Dawn, Angela YoMama Lovins, or Angie TheSlickest Dawn. If it's a nickname that a majority of your friends call you, that's fine. If it's random words to demonstrate how highly you regard yourself, leave it out.
Hmm... that's all I can think of for the time being.
If you break any of these rules, I will unfriend you. Please know that because we're not friends on Facebook does not mean we aren't actually friends. It's because your Facebook presence annoys the shit out of me.
Nowadays, your relationships aren't 'official' until they've been posted on FB...If Facebook is going to become everyone's life, then they should behave on there the way they actually behave. If you wouldn't call me and ask me to support your cause 64 times in one day, don't send me 64 cause invitations; If you wouldn't send everyone in your contacts an email about your laundry stains, it probably shouldn't be your status.
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